I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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