my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
