I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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