My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
