bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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