But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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