R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
