I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
