You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
