Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
