He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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