Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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