I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
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