He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
