college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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