Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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