Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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