Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
