I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
