oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
