i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
