Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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