We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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