The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
