Where is the hickey?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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