Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
