Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
love makes seman taste better
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
