So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
