I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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