So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
