since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
