Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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