Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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