That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Randomize
