I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
