I skipped work to stalk him.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
