matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
