he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
this will be a night to untag.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
How naked do you want me to be?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
