Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
