My liver just broke up with me...
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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