I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
