I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
