Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
