I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
