i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
