i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
