No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
