:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
