I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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