woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
