I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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