Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
