he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
