Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I didn't notice because vodka
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
