my vag is so smooth its legendary
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
