there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
