I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
