I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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