Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
