I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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