I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
