The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
