Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
