Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
party gras won. party gras always wins.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
