HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
